Rather, Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki is about discovering oneself, about coming to an understanding about one’s place in the world, and about how childhood experiences will have power over us long into adulthood. The mystery behind the betrayal propels the story forward, but discovering the answer is far from the core of the story. Something has happened, but none of his friends would tell him what. The novel takes place years later, when Tsukuru, now in his 30s, takes his girlfriend Sara’s advice to solve the mystery that has haunted him since: why did his friends reject him so completely and so suddenly? Yet in college, Tsukuru is kicked out of the group with explanation. Tsukuru Tazaki grew up with a tight-knit group of five friends in high school, the kind of friendship children imagine will last forever. Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Year of Pilgrimage marks the author’s return away from the sprawling, surrealistic narrative style of 2011’s 1Q84 to the lyrical realism of 1987’s Norwegian Wood. After all, he wasn't just abandoned, he wasn't colorless but cool and collected and loved.“From July of his sophomore year in college until the following January, all Tsukuru Tazaki could think about was dying.” So begins one of Haruki Murakami’s loveliest, most lyrical novels ever. Maybe when he wakes up he is ready to handle whatever comes next, even if it is rejection. By not picking up the phone and letting himself be in the present and falling asleep I think it indicated he was prioritizing his own mental peace at that moment and letting things unfold tomorrow at their own pace.
So, he wasn't unwanted, and maybe he isn't unimportant to Sara as well but all these years have left him assuming he will be abandoned by others.
Even though the truth is that he was an essential part of the group of five friends, cutting Tsukuru off was the hardest thing they did. When he talks about how he might die for real if Sara rejects him, it's because he will go through the experience of being unwanted again. I took away the message that even if Tsukuru had resolved his past trauma and found the answer to what led his friends to cut him off, which is not because he wasn't worth anything to them, his fears and the painful experience were still there.
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